As Long as the Fish Are Female Saleswomen in Tropical Fish Stores Are Allowed to Go Topless

So I log onto motherfucking typepad this morning and there's a new editing platform and it sucks unto blow and blows unto suck. Compare the space between the above Fleabus photo and the text of this post with the space between the Fleabus photo and text in this post. An eighth of an inch of motherfucking aargh, and there's no fucking fixing it.

Motherfucking typepad has always sucked, dropping colors, dropping fonts, dropping links, dropping margins, dropping formatting, eating text, eating posts, and now it sucks more with a motherfucking upgraded editor? I'm paying $150 a year for this motherfucking suck? Fuckity, I can get all the motherfucking suck I want in this world for free (though if we want the 5% discount on next year's United season tickets we need to get it in by November, though I'm buying that motherfucking suck one way or the other).

Well, this is the last year I'm paying motherfucking typepad for the suck unless it's not. If I migrate I'll migrate slowly (I have eleven months of paid-for suck remaining), and once I figure out and format Blooger (which I'm told is still suckful though far less suckful than when it pissed me off in 2006, plus it has those cool self-updating blogrolls) or Wordpress, I'll cross-post both here and there for the first couple of months as I hassle you to update your bookmarks and blogrolls, though, knowing me, I'll probably spare you and me and just stay here and pay for and eat and spit my aargh for my daily aargh.

• Notice how the above is properly spaced from the text but is slightly off-center. Motherfucking typepad allows me one or the other. Oh, and they have no live-chat or phone help.
• Your country: operating procedures.
• Alternatives?
• World's Shittiest Human wetfarts, giggles.
• This guy is mighty shitty himself. (h/t)
• Spending priorities.
• On the Nobel in medicine.
• Shocking sensible.
• Duke winces! 
• Wordpress v Blooger? Thoughts?
• Purple Line, O'Malley, Ehrlich.
• Fuck Old Angler's Inn, which I've driven by literally hundreds, if not thousands of times, and never eaten once.
• Dredging Needwood.
• BLCKDGRD translated into Greek by someone in Athens googling images of eformeday eoplepay.
• You do know blogging is a metaphor for everything, yes?
• I never got the fuss over Ted Hughes' poetry.
• Pigs are pleased Vargas Llosa won Nobel.
• Albini v Sonic Youth, con't.
• Red Arc/Blue Veil.

LAWLESS PANTOUM

Denise Duhamel

Men are legally allowed to have sex with animals,
as long as the animals are female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal
is taboo and punishable by death.

As long as the fish are female
saleswomen in tropical fish stores are allowed to go topless.
Adultery is punishable by death
as long as the betrayed woman uses her bare hands to kill 
    her husband.

Saleswomen in tropical fish stores are allowed to go topless,
but the gynecologist must only look at a woman’s genitals 
    in a mirror.
The woman uses her bare hands to kill her husband,
then his dead genitals must be covered with a brick.   

The gynecologist must only look at a woman’s genitals 
    in a mirror
and never look at the genitals of a corpse—
these genitals must be covered with a brick.
The penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

A look at the genitals of a corpse
will confirm that not much happens in that region after death.
The penalty for masturbation is decapitation.
It is illegal to have sex with a mother and her daughter at 
    the same time.

To confirm what happens during sex,
a woman’s mother must be in the room to witness her daughter’s 
    deflowering,
though it is illegal to have sex with a mother and her daughter 
    at the same time.
It is legal to sell condoms from vending machines as long as

a woman’s mother is in the room to witness her daughter’s 
    deflowering.
Men are legally allowed to have sex with animals—
why it’s even legal to sell condoms from vending machines, 
    as long as
everyone’s having sexual relations with a male animal.

The number 41 greatest music act according to KEXP's silly-ass fund-drive gimmick list happens to have made another one of dozens of my five favorite songs ever: