Kansas City 4, United 0

Please tell me what the offensive plan is and why ignoring the wings while running triangles towards your own goal is an innovative strategy.

Both Perkins and Moreno say the kick-in-the-teeth is a good thing, but what the fuck do you expect them to say? Yes, now that United's been humbled, they'll start stringing passes together and hold possession, build through the midfield then out to the wings, defend calmly and coherently, and, most crucially, hustle for 50/50 balls, because now United understands these things are important?

Yes, rainy and cold, road team in opener, crappy minor league field with tiny dimensions and plastic grass, all a perfect storm for a predictable loss - you didn't expect United to win, did you? - but there was nothing in United's performance that suggested that the rain and cold and tiny plastic grass field played a significant role in the debacle, it was Kansas City having significantly better players. Defense, midfield, strikers: Kansas City won all three.

Shatz says: Awful. Disgraceful. Reprehensible. BAD!

Fullback says: My liver weeps for what this year may do to it.

We'll see. I'm willing to wait until at least 9:35pm this coming Saturday night before damning my liver to yellow, but here's my concern: you cannot run an offense through Quaranta; he doesn't have the correct skill set. I am more than pleased to have Tino on a wing, taking the set peaces, free-lancing, but he hasn't the touch and vision needed for a ten, and United doesn't have - at least as evidenced by last night - enough skill players around Tino to create a dynamic offense sans a ten.

Updates later, though later means this evening. Today we visit Wesleyan University, then drive to New London so we can visit Connecticut College tomorrow (they call themselves the Camels, so I think they should be disqualified right now), and we'll probably drive down to Mystic for dinner. On the way to New London, I'm going to try to find the spot where Kim Keese demanded the bus-driver stop so the GHS band could all run into the woods to piss in 1976.

BTW, Goff says he's not doing player-ratings this year, which is of course his right, though he says YFWP is going to implement an online voting system so fans can vote, and boo. Nothing could quite pop a comment from Mr Sydhab faster than Goff's postgame player-ratings.

He was on that bus, Mr Sydhab.