BLCKDGRD

Rube Chow

My plan for the next fifty years: cranky old bastard stroking the duh into a warm and familiar ache while living the rugged life of middle-upper-middle class complicity.

Also, I'm reading slumped. I finished Inherent Vice, forgetting to pack Infinite Jest for the New England trip, and now I feel obligated to finish Infinite Jest and I'd rather eat glass than finish Infinite Jest, the rhythm broken, the zillion strings dropped, and Richard Powers' Generosity soon in hand (and a new Roth and a new Doctorow)...

I've just been reading poetry, reading poetry exceptionally well in fact, it's embarrassing how fluently I'm reading poetry's deliberate obscurantism; I've always distrusted poetry.

Therefore I, in my concession to mid-life crisis, proclaim: I abandon any pretense of writing fiction, I've always been and will always be a goddamn poet, best at what I don't trust.

*

• American Anarchism.
• Inevitable that God was involved.
• Race is class.
• Republican Knavery.
• Billionaires for wealthcare.
• AP v AP.
• Reminder.
• Art History of Cellulite.
• Moco, Catholics, Corruption.
• Drove over this Saturday:

 

• The sentence is a lonely place.
• Good books don't have to be read.
• More.
• Hiatusitus.
• Mark Strand poem.
• Brian Jonestown Massacre.
• On unexpected covers of sacred anthems.
• Perhaps you like Big Bands.
• Or jazz.
• Hadn't thought of the Young Marble Giants in a while.

UPDATE! Another one of dozens of my five favorite songs ever, just put in my head, now in yours:

*

IMAGINARY TRANSLATION

Marilyn Hacker

These two meet for dinner once a week
in the old city. Middle-aged and grey
with some distinction - one wrote a verse play
that revolutionary students speak
intensely of; the other left archives
of an obscure study for politics,
talks urgently to Ministers and tricks
reason from hotheads - they lead public lives
of private circumspection, and they drink
together Thursdays. Twenty years ago
in a strange port, for two weeks and four days
they were lovers. Or enemies. They clink
snifters, wax quotable near "Time," then go
home their discrete and solitary ways.

*

Young Marble Giants?

Chicago 0, United 1

Must admit, I didn't see this coming.

Jakovic called the game "the turning point," and yah, one hopes, pointing to the end, finally, of the road-heavy portion of United's league schedule, but intensity and desperation are hard emotions to maintain. Maybe United can stay pissed off and scared for their jobs the next two months. Maybe in November folk can look back and point at this game as spark, but as of this morning, nothing has definitively turned.

Intensity and desperation? I thought the Wicks-Burch bust-up highly entertaining and harbinger of a season-ending late Chicago goal: seriously, if Chicago scores on that quick corner while United is scrambling back into position after Wicks freaks out, imagine that post-game United locker room. Intensity and desperation? Chicago scores in that clusterfuck, that could have been this season's final season-ending kaboom.

I'm pleased United played angry and focused, but rather than anticipate such energy in the future I wonder where it's been the past four months. Perhaps a switch was thrown and United understands that talent without effort is insufficient, but one game can only start to set a tone. I expect United to play Wednesday with energy and focus (and raise the cup), but next Saturday in Dallas will be the truer test of the new attitude.

Here's Goff's players ratings:

Wicks 5; Namoff 8, Jakovic 7, James 7, Burch 5; Olsen 5.5, Simms 6, Gomez 6.5, Fred 5; Quaranta 5, Emilio 5. Subs: Moreno 5.5, Pontius 5, Wallace 5.

Namoff is the irreplaceable man. James and Jakovic looked competent. Burch is Burch. I'm a 3-5-2 advocate if the two holding mids can cover enough ground and the two wings defend end to end, and United has neither, so four back is necessary.

Ba'al bless Benny Olsen, my favorite player ever, if only his wheels were as young as his effort is true United could run a 3-5-2 even with the defensive liabilities at wing. The heart of this team.

FREDSUX! but not as much as usual by a little.

Gomez and Quaranta, Gomez and Emilio, Quaranta and Emilio, Gomez and Quaranta and Emilio, what is the cause of their dysfunctional chemistry? Something's missing.

Still, I expected to be writing a completely differently toned post this morning. It pleases me to remain merely pessimistic instead of angrily and fatalistically resigned to a nasty end.

Fullback gives props to Soehn. Shatz asks, what's the big deal with the dust-up? Curmudgeon wonders who was that team in black. The Hurdy-Gurdy Man is still MIA.

Updates, edits, links, later. Or not.

I'm Told I Need Mention

That's the present my BFF gave me Wednesday night before the Toluca game for my 50th birthday: as of today I'm AARP eligible, mofos, so my hotel room will now cost $7 less a night than yours. The present also, in needing to name the photo something so I could upload it to this post, created my favorite new word, *fyayb*. Pronunciations are humbly solicited in comments.

I've been shining the roobity so furiously recently because (a) I am old and (b) stoopidly angry and (c) it's my schtick, so BWRT! this: (a) all is negotiation; (b) the dumb tug-of-war metaphor is true; (c) life really is high school over and over.

*

This is my second best present:

Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?

*

Three favorite songs I post too often:

and

and

*

 A BLESSING

James Wright

Just off the highway to Rochester, Minnesota,

Twilight bounds softly forth on the grass.

And the eyes of those two Indian ponies

Darken with kindness.

They have come gladly out of the willows

To welcome my friend and me.

We step over the barbed wire into the pasture

Where they have been grazing all day, alone.

They ripple tensely, they can hardly contain their happiness

That we have come.

They bow shyly as wet swans. They love each other.

There is no loneliness like theirs.

At home once more,

They begin munching the young tufts of spring in the darkness.

I would like to hold the slenderer one in my arms,

For she has walked over to me

And nuzzled my left hand.

She is black and white,

Her mane falls wild on her forehead,

And the light breeze moves me to caress her long ear

That is delicate as the skin over a girl’s wrist.

Suddenly I realize

That if I stepped out of my body I would break

Into blossom.

*

United 1, Toluca 3

Toluca started mostly it's B-squad, which makes this backhand from Toluca coach Jose Manuel de la Torre funny and revealing: "I was a little surprised not to see some of the players on the field." Goff adds, "That's the second time DCU's watered-down lineup has drawn such a response after a Champions League game; a Firpo player reacted the same way in the preliminary round." No matter, United could have started it's best eleven (as Soehn perceives it) and still been outclassed by Toluca's reserves.

It's useful if unpleasant to be reminded how rinkydink MLS and United are, how precarious their existence still. Even if United was good - and United sucks, yo - they're so hamstrung by low budgets and short rosters, they - any MLS team - can't compete and win regularly against big Mexican clubs (much less Brazilian or Argentinian clubs if ever competitions were expanded).

Within the confined parameters in which United exists, they do suck, physically, technically, attutudinally, O yes they do.

Here's Goff's players ratings:

Wicks 5; Habarugira 4, James 5, Burch 3.5, John 4; McTavish 6, Simms 5, Jacobson 4, Allen 3.5; Pontius 6, Moreno 4. Subs: Fred 3, Quaranta 6.5, Namoff 5.

Pontius and Quaranta and Namoff can stay. The rest can go.

And look at Goff deliver the Goffhammer to FREDSUX!

Habarugira, James, Burch, John. Nuf said. If MLS had a bigger roster, reserve squads, Habarugira and James would be banished to a year of reserve games to prove they aren't MLS-worthy. If MLS had depth of quality, John would be out of the league (Ely Allen, too). Burch is Burch.

Jacobson disappointed. After a couple good games, another failed audition.

What the fuck did Szetela do that he wasn't even on the bench? And how much fucking due diligence did United do on Szetela before signing him?

Meh. Curmudgeon's disgusted. Shatz getting there. However, if you want angry, read this guy, who still can't spell Jakovic correctly.

Had lotsa fun at the stadium, needs be said.

Updates, edits, links, later. Or not.

The Sleights of Hand Wouldn't Give Me Enough Lightning to Drum

Root of my rube: I still think Obama hasn't crushed the Right's stupid because of cowardice rather than avarice. If there was profit in crushing pignut nuts, wouldn't they?

Gah, the root of my rube is my love of the either/or, my acceptance of its non-existence, and my inability to shed my damn nonetheless.

*

• America Lost.
• Merciless. (h/t: follow the comments)
  
• Seven points on the CIA report.
• Points on the above seven points. (Or: The most important thing you'll read today.)
• Glenn Greenwald v Glenn Greenwald.
• Suppose HRC had won POTUS, imagine this KABOOM! (now it'll be just a kaboom, by comparison). I think it's sometimes too reflexive to call racism: this shortchanges the hate capabilities of the grass-root Right hates; if you don't think they wouldn't bring the ugly to a Reichsqueen Hillary t(y)ranny you don't know your grass-root Right.
• UPDATE! Noted, of course. And that didn't take long: "It is rather remarkable that Kennedy died just as Obama hit the Vineyard; a spectacular opportunity for Obama to, as president, re-dazzle some of the country as their attention is taken off his failing policies. I mentioned earlier that the Clintons and Obamas would be vying for beneficial airtime. Obama, being president (and the press’ darling) will benefit most as he “leads the nation” through it’s “mourning” is I guess how they’ll phrase it." Just when I think I'm out they pull me back in.
• Cheney's switch-hitting.
• Biblical Illiteracy.
• Can you call this woman a skank on your blog?

• Whatever you do, don't look at this.
• Purple Line Boofuckinghoo!
• New Richard Wilbur once, twice, three times.
• Thyrophobia, Part Two.
• New MEW!
• New HOPE SANDOVAL!
• My head, your head.
• Today's Listening Assignment.
• Today's Listening Assignment.
• Because there's always a New Order song in my head:

*

ODE TO MY FLINT AND BOOM BOLIVIA

Michael Costello

seems to me I have    & am thankful
for the complete sets    of limericks and sensory topics
facsimiles - though they don't work so well -
earmarks    tools & my unique-to-me covering
of skylarks    I am also grateful    for you minimum
bramble    two lockets    hemstitch    or other lack
for that special maverick    encased by the skylight
which brings me to booms    connected to a few
more    constructing the skepticism which hasn't
let me down - too much as of now - & has had
a smooth run with time    & on a few occasions has
been put to the tetanus    & accelerated

so far luster    you still fuse    so the divisors tell me
but you don't fester    like you did    once I remember
being about to sabotage forever    & ripple a billboard
for milk    & plod to the basilica    which I was
sonorous about    the fact the sleights of hand wouldn't
give me lightning enough to drum - always a dream -
before pumping sludge    into you (it)    in myriad ways

Bolivia    I apologize    do you    Pandora    whose fault
are you    a rebel free radical    wasting unknown
demimondes    wasting this skylight    to know the importance
of your role    played & playing & now    I can never forget
you - your negligence constantly reminds -

nevertheless    thank you    all of you    unmentioned troops
in the Bloody Mary    cedar & musicale    & elsewhere
we've come a long way - in fact though    none of you are
the originals    are you    your are the great grandchildren etc.
of the original hearthstone    llama    luster    stoop    skylarks
half-life    artifice    spiral    stigma    et al. - thank you    I celebrate
and show you always    today    to the morning sum    & nightly
sway you    in commitments    & commemorate you    with comets
I am Bolivia's keeper    & and it is mine    & seems thus far
it has been a beneficial religion    for all passengers involved
and so then    let my Bolivia keep on

*

Hope Sandoval?

Blackcogred

News breaking re: American torturers staged mock executions with pistols and power drills and yawn. Dostoyevsky survived a mock execution that triggered the epileptic fits that plagued him the rest of his crappy, unhappy life, but that miserable motherfucker wrote dense and massive classics that, with turgid polemic masquerading as moral complexity, defended and justified the very orthodoxy of the fucks who mock executed him. Bitchez.

ODB mocks my incomplete obamapostasy as every single one of you should, because while Obama will disappoint in every manner we expected I can't get past the illusion he's not as vile as his opposition. Obama could call for the reenslavement of not only America's full-blooded niggers but expand to enslave the dirty wetbacks too, and Pig-Americans would decry Obama's hesitancy to enact celebratory lynchings as socialistic fascism, pussified marxism, proof of raging hitlerism and latent racist hatred of white folk.

Jeebus fuck I'm a rube.

Inherent Vice, pg 119:

Doc was in the toilet pissing during a commercial break when he heard Sauncho screaming at the television set. He got back to find his attorney just withdrawing his nose from the screen.

"Everything cool?"

"Aah...." collapsing on the couch, "Charlie the fucking Tuna, man."

"What?"

"It's all supposed to be so innocent, upwardly mobile snob, designer shades, beret, so desperate to show he's got good taste, except he's also dyslexic so he gets 'good taste' mixed up with 'taste good,' but it's worse than that! Far, far worse! Charlie really has this, like, obsessive death wish! Yes! he, he wants to be caught, processed, put in a can, not just any can, you dig, it has to be StarKist! suicidal brand loyalty, man, deep parable of consumer capitalism, they won't be happy with anything less than drift-netting us all, chopping us up and stacking us on the shelves of Supermarket America, and subconsciously the horrible thing is, is we want them to do it..."

"Saunch, wow, that's..."

"It's been on my mind. And another thing. Why is there Chicken of the Sea, but no Tuna of the Farm?"

Truly.

*

• Dirty Fucking Hippies.
• Dirty Fucking Hippies. Redux.
• Portrait of an Obamaholic.
• American Psychos.
• Diversity as enemy of equality.
• Equal before the flaw.
• This ass starts a column ostensibly praising HRC as more than her stereotypes with this sentence: When it comes to Hillary Rodham Clinton, we're missing the forest for the pantsuits.
• Stupid but effective.
• Nietzsche and Helmetball.
• KFC gives you Gomorrah for your money.
• Blogs, Forms, and Sense.

• (h/t)
• Thyrophobia.
• Inherent Vice review. I finished it yesterday, want to think about it more before (and if) saying anything. Enjoyed it, laughed, but need to think about it more. But it is in part a manual on how to live sanely (and hopefully safely) in a universe of fucked, fucked left to right, fucked top to bottom, fucked in and out.
• On Vollmann's Imperial. More from me later. Or not.
• Fear of Music.
• Today's Listening Assignment.
• 60s French Girl Groups!
• Today's Listening Assignment.
• Funny, I hadn't seen this when I posted a Wedding Present song a few days ago.
• Today's Listening Assignment. Jeebus, I'm predictable.

*

BERKELEY IN A TIME OF PLAGUE

Jack Spicer

Plague took us and the land from under us,
Rose like a boil, enclosing us within.
We waited and the blue skies writhed awhile
Becoming black with death.

Plague took us and the chairs from under us,
Stepped cautiously while entering the room
(We were discussing Yeats); it paused awhile
Then smiled and made us die.

Plague took us, laughed, and reproportioned us,
Swelled us to dizzy, unaccustomed size.
We died prodigiously; it hurt awhile
But left a certain quiet in our eyes.

*

United 0, Gax 0

Well, that was anticlimactic. And fuck Cyril Madukanyu, winner of the Shittiest Sideline Assistant Ref of the Year award, because if he doesn't errantly call Emilio offside in the 8th minute, game on.

Better than recent form, and against a lesser team than Gax (of which there are few) probably good enough to win, but United isn't good enough. It's encouraging to see a better, more active and fluid effort, better concentration, fewer brainfarts; it's discouraging that United's best isn't enough.

Here's Goff's player ratings:

Wicks 6.5; Namoff 7.5, Jakovic 7, Burch 6.5; Fred 7, Simms 6, Olsen 7, Gomez 5.5, Wallace 6; Quaranta 6, Emilio 7. Subs: Moreno 6, Pontius 5, Jacobson 5.

FREDSUX! but not as badly, and to be fair (sorry, yo) it was his best game in months: it was his ball to Emilo that was wrongly called offside (see the highlights), but most importantly, he shot the fucking ball instead of dance - the minute Fred starts to think instead of just react, kerflooey.

Emilio worked. He should have been awarded at penalty in the 68th (see the highlights), but he also should have got to balls that he didn't. It's not lack of effort, it's diminishing skills and reflexes. He had at least three balls at or near his feet within yards of the goal and couldn't control the ball and make the turn. 2007 Emilio buries at least two of those. 2009 Emilio can't.

Speaking of diminishing skills and reflexes, see Christian Gomez. What the hell?

I've a new working theory about Quaranta: he operates at a higher speed and level than his teammates, it's not that he makes bad passes, it's that his teammates either don't understand where they're supposed to be or know but don't have the physical skills to get there. He makes the rest of United look as old and slow as United are old and slow. He, other than Landon Donovan, was the best player on the field last night.

There were these two items in Goff's pregame post:

INJURY UPDATE: Boyzzz Khumalo's broken wrist became infected and he was hospitalized all week. He had hoped to return next week; now he's looking at being sidelined another four weeks.

Winless in league play for five weeks and without a victory of any kind since the U.S. Open Cup match against Rochester a month ago, United is in urgent need of a good result. Will Danny Szetela be part of it? I doubt it. From what I hear, the recently acquired midfielder landed himself deep in the doghouse for an unspecified transgression.

It's an overstatement to say United's fortunes turned when Khumalo went out, but it's not inaccurate to say United has missed Khumalo's speed and energy. As for Szetela, there was always the risk that a former flash/now flunked European washout would live up to his reputation as a punkass bitch, and it was a risk worth taking, but this soon a punkass bitch?

Shatz says there was a handball in Gax box in 84th minute (that I didn't see). Fullback saw it too, and bitches about the 3-6-1 (to which I agree, and refer you to the paragraph above re: Khumalo).

Updates, links, edits, later. Or not.

The Most Important Game Ever Since the Last Most Important Game Ever and Until the Next Most Important Game Ever!

There is a decent chance someone will win tonight's DCU v GAX game 4-0 or 0-4, and I says odds are better for 0-4.

Ooh! United's mad now:

Chris Pontius says he has recovered well from his quadriceps injury and he should be ready to play Saturday against the Galaxy at RFK Stadium. Speaking in general about the team's rut, he said: "Everyone is pissed off right now. I was mad watching [the past two road games] on TV. It was just lethargic performances. There wasn't any energy, people weren't working for each other."

*Coach Tom Soehn, on the Marathon loss: "I actually thought the team did a pretty good job. We just had an individual who didn't play well and it really hurt us...."

*On the team's mood: "This last game, the locker room got a little hot, as it should. It's finally them feeling that they are tired of the way results are going and the mistakes that are happening. There's some accountability right now. We'll see if that translates to the field."

*Locker room being "hot"?: "Take it for what it is: The locker room was hot." (Somehow, I don't think Tommy meant the thermostat was set too high.)

*Szetela, on being left home: "A little bit [surprised]. I talked to Coach about it. There were a few personal things that came up and it's important for me right now to get my fitness up and be ready for these games."

*Can you expand on the "personal things"? "It's more just between the team. I'd rather keep it between the team."

Benny says:

"It's been a long month, month and a half, whatever is has been. We've made it even longer on ourself because of the results we've had. We are pretty disappointed with ourselves. We realize that we are letting each other down. A lot of it I don't think has to do with formations; a lot of it just comes down, on the day, we don't have enough guys playing good and if you do that throughout a season, if you always have six, seven guys playing up to their level and three or four of us -- and I say 'us' because it's been me as well, we're all in this together -- it's disappointing. Over the long season, if you're not professional enough in your job to take each job with pride, this is what happens. We seem to have taken the summer off a little bit. It's just not good enough. It's disrespectful to each other, to the staff, to the fans, but maybe it's good it's happening right now. ... We have a nice stretch here to make a difference. We've had the pow-wows, we've done the talking and now it's a matter of who will show up on gamedays and play to the ability they know how to do."

They've had the pow-wows! Here comes the kaboom. Might not be tonight - of the 10% chance tonight's a blowout, United's a 49% chance to be the blower, not the blowee - but when teammates start calling out teammates, kabooms usually follow.

Maybe it turns around, but unless there's a run to at least a conference final, what big names are gone by Opening Day 2010?

Emilio, Fred, Moreno, Gomez. Soehn.

CATTY UPDATE!

There's hope!

The Insider has learned that D.C. United Coach Tom Soehn might not be on the sideline tonight at RFK Stadium for the critical match against the Galaxy because of an illness that forced him to miss Friday's training session. Soehn's work ethic and dedication to the job are well known, so for him to miss practice the day before one of the most important games of the season is a sign of a significant ailment. This morning, team officials confirmed his Friday absence and said Soehn's condition will be monitored before a final decision is made about his availability. If he is unable to guide the club, top assistant Chad Ashton will be in charge.

!wOOt!

Jeebus herding cattle the size of schnauzers, it's gonna be wet.

Born Fifty-Seven Years Ago Today

Poet as Counterpunching Radio

What I voted for:

President Obama used the strongest language out of anyone in the administration, telling a conference call organized by liberal clergy that some opponents of reform "are, frankly, bearing false witness." He attacked the claims that reform would set up death panels: "That is just an extraordinary lie." Ticking off a few more of the bogus charges about the legislation that Congress is considering, Obama said the misinformation was part of a deliberate campaign. "These are all fabrications that have been put out there in order to discourage people from meeting what I consider to be a core ethical and moral obligation, and that is to look out for each other," he said.

Christer shitfit in five, four, three, two......

IASAFR, all I wanted of an Obama presidency was pigheads exploding, pigheads exploding because Obama understood his reelection is served best by exploding pigheads.

IASAFR, Obama's words aren't meant to infuriate Christers, they're calculated to distract me with exploding pigheads from cursing Obama's piddliness.

*

• Do remember the alternative story line.
  
• Michael Vick as anti-Obama.
• Surging over the cliff in Afghanistan.
• Another inexplicable stupidity.
• Incongruous statement of the week.
• Scalia as not just wrong, but incapable.
• Everybody's gotta hold on hope.
• Not a good enough Nowhere.
• Hey, Free State Politics is running again.
• Weekend walk in the Fredneck woods.
• I am forced to have a good thought for Cristiano Ronaldo.
• Watch this.
• Jack Gilbert.
• Today's Listening Assignment.
• Today's Listening Assignment.
• Today's Listening Assignment. (Great band name)

AWOO! UPDATE AWOO!

Just put in my head. Be in yours:

*

SPORTING LIFE

Jack Spicer

The trouble with comparing a poet with a radio is that radios
    don't develop scar tissue. The tubes burn out, or with a
    transistor, which most souls are, the battery or diagram
    burns out replaceable or not replaceable, but not like that
    punchdrunk fighter in the bar. The poet
Takes too many messages. The right to the ear that floored him
    in New Jersey. The right to say he stood six rounds with
    a champion.
Then they sell beer or go on sporting commissions, or, if the
    scar tissue is too heavy, demonstrate in a bar where the
    invisible champions might not have hit him. Too many of
    them.
The radio is a poet. The poet is a liar. The poet is a
    counterpunching radio.
And those messages (God would not damn them) do not even
    know they are champions.

*

Wedding Present