Los Angeles 5, United 2

Yes, Don Garber would sacrifice his left nut to get Los Angeles into the playoffs (and win MLS' silly-ass post-season tournament), but if he wanted a referee to throw a game he wouldn't assign Terry Fucking Vaughn to do the job.

Here's what losers say: "The second half we were playing well and the ref turned it around and made it an impossible game for us to win," Burch said.

No, "Burchy," bad decisions by Kevin Payne and Dave Kasper - decisions that directly led to you starting a majority of United games on the defensive line, for instance - have made it impossible to win.

Goff player ratings:

Crayton 5, Namoff 3, Burch 3, McTavish 4, Martinez 3; Fred 4, Simms 3, Quaranta 4, Guerrero 4; Khumalo 7, Emilio 4. No ratings for the subs.

Cooked, baked, broiled, toasted, BBQed, burnt.

We all have our first draft of this season's obituary written in our heads, yes?