BLCKDGRD

Ningland 2, United 2

.....

In conversation yesterday, goaded into god-taunting by you can guess who, I said I thought United would win, but quickly retreated, saying a point tonight, three v Houston, a point @ Chicago, all things considered, would be positive, and viola! a perfect double of god-taunted fuck yous spat in my face. EXCELLENT!

Truthfully, told just before game time that United was starting Dominic Mediate and Devon McTavish in central defense on artificial turf, against a team both faster and physically stronger, given United's start to the season, if offered a point I would have bought a point.

Truth be told, as Fred sprinted to the sideline and bear-hugged Ben Olsen I was contemplating how to rationalize an exuberant post-game write up, and apparently United thought the game won too, and they took their collective foot off the pedal.

O United, rosary of my rubity, 57 minutes of beautiful soccer does not erase, abolish, eliminate, or negate your lack of greatness, Love.

57 minutes of beautiful soccer, United, O Thee of nine points out of ten games, does not make you all that.

Their sense of deliverance from dreariness was palpable, though not as palpable as the sense of relief. The urgency was gone, replaced by adrenaline-crash self-congratulations: this, these 57 minutes, was the United United expected.

When the urgency was back, Fred had already whiffed on a clearance and it was 1-2. When the urgency turned to panic, Wells was out of position again, a Rev was uncovered on the far post, and his header across the goal mouth went unmarked, and 2-2.

I'm already seeing Soehn-bitching re-emerge (not that it went away) - anyone who hesitates a micro-second offered Nicols or Soehn is an idiot - and maybe Soehn did but the cameras didn't catch it, but why didn't Soehn walk into the circle of celebrating United players after Fred's goal and push them and shout, get your fucking asses back on the field, you haven't won the game, much less a trophy?

As they were celebrating I was contemplating my exuberant post, but I am a rube. Evidence suggests so are United.

Here's Goff's player ratings:

Wells 4; Martinez 6, Mediate 5, McTavish 5, Namoff 6; Quaranta 6, Simms 7, Gallardo 7, Fred 6; Moreno 6, Emilio 6. Subs: Dyachenko 4, Burch 5.

I can't imagine any MLS team will ever give Gallardo the space Ningland did in the first half, but that one-two Gallardo gave Emilio that Emilio gacked late, tight, in space, top of the box? Brilliant. He's that good, and it was nice to see some nyarg out of him.

I know I keep saying this, but McTavish is a late game replacement, not a starter, especially in central defense. He deserves to be in MLS, but he's not good enough to start for a decent MLS team.

Wells: he's OK if straight ahead, and he did a good job of staunching over-the-top balls at the top of the box, but lordy, does he suck on crosses, especially crosses from set pieces, though what really bothers me about Wells is his true suckitude at organizing the defense in front of him. Early in the game, before the overflow crowd of 9,000 filed to their seats, you could hear the players yelling at each other, and during one early Ningland free-kick, I could hear Wells yelling contradictory instructions to his players, which the players by and large ignored. W?T?F?

And Emilio, who busted his hump, who scored his second goal in two games, who should have had three, please shoot the fucking ball on first touch, don't give an excellent goalie the quarter-second he needs to set to react.

More, updates and links too, later. Or not.

Kensington = Northeast Bethesda

Just because dead-enders don't/can't recognize how more fulfilling their lives are in their passionate martyrdom than they'd ever have been had CLINTON INC clinched on schedule in February doesn't mean their self-righteous furies don't occasionally have basis in what passes for facts. WAAH!

Sh'it, the odds that one dead-ender would admit that, roles reversed, he'd be believing what obamacans now believe are exactly the same as an obamacan denying she'd be decrying the disenfranchisement of Floriganders and Michidians if Obama needed their votes.

I was riding backwards in the trunk of Landru's jeep on way to United past Saturday, and as we passed beneath what I think was the Riggs Road bridge over the Beltway, he reiterated for the umpteenth time that anyone taking a partisan side in this jackass rumble is batshit insane, and perhaps it was my perspective out the rear window of a jeep at that very moment, but true dat.

Rubes, contemplate the turds of reconciliation we'll be asked to eat, and to obamacans, hold your noses and swallow your jealously that they'll taste shittier to dead-enders than to you. To the losers go the victories.

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• Obama is doing better with people who'll never vote for him than Kerry did with people who wouldn't vote for him!
• Broder: It's just like 1976!
• Make them make them make them make them.
• On progressive morality and ethics, adding, open is closed, closed is open, and moralitys at rest tend to stay at rest.
• George Hussein, Saddam Bush.
• Brave patriots in Walkersville.
• Is there an official policy on military evangelizing?
• Our Lady of the  Detention Camps: Terrorist Sympathizer?
• I live in Kensington. Actually, the street I live on? My side of street Kensington address, zipcode, other side of street Bethesda address, zip code. My house, on other side of street, would be worth $10Ks more than mine on my side.
• Purple Line, the most useful transportation idea for the future of Moco, would be opposed by Bethesdites who value their posh country club.

Updates later. Or not.

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Mofos, I really try to not metablog while metablogging, but I got an email yesterday from a person I've linked to a few times over the course of months, and while I wasn't asked to stop linking, I was told not to expect back reciprocal linkage because my "foul mouth and flippant veering from one subject to another without pausing to add depth to any" apparently disqualifies me as link-worthy. S/he adds, "blog-whoring" is not how s/he rewards his/her admirers with the honor of being blog-rolled.

Oh yeah?

Me and mine, mofos, me and mine. More mine are always welcome, but I link because I link, not because I expect linkage back in return.

But this, the third email in two years telling me I'm not gaining admittance to someone's exclusive blog-roll? AWESOME!

Ask Fleabus!

Kitten wars?

Best. Cat. Ever.

Harington

I can recommend, with love and astonishment

...

but only if you've read

...

and

...

and

...

and

...

because Harington is old and wounded by a car accident and is wrapping up all the Stay More threads, and Farther Along is rich by itself, but read with the familial knowledge of all that proceeded it, is extraordinary.

Consistently, the most astonishing reading experiences I've ever.

UPDATE:

You who asked about kayfabe? Let me loan you some books.

   *

• On the plight of neutral observers who fight back with bunnies.
• Roxy Music song title appropriated for Salon article title!
• On anonymity.
• Title your novel in three easy steps!
• My second favorite novelist on 30th anniversary of Virago Classics.
• Hype and hype's backlash.
• The space of literature once, twice, three times. I'll leave it to Richard because I never sound more ridiculous than when trying to write something I inhabit but cannot express, but that is why the best fiction ultimately leaves me hungrier than if I was empty.
• Oates reviews the new Rushdie, which I will be buying tomorrow night.
• Kleinzahler's new and collected reviewed.

UPDATE: Read this if you think you're dog old:

Afterward, a few students thanked me for the clips, even the stuff they hated, like Kaufman and the "Puttin' On The Ritz" segment from "Young Frankenstein," which I thought would kill, but died.

The kids don't get Kaufman? Fu'ck, my buoys are old.

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Kleinzahler?

THE STRANGE HOURS TRAVELLERS KEEP 

The markets never rest
Always they are somewhere in agitation
Pork bellies, titanium, winter wheat
Electromagnetic ether peppered with photons
Treasure spewing from Unisys A-15 mainframes
Across the firmament
Soundlessly among the thunderheads and passenger jets
As they make their nightlong journeys
Across the oceans and steppes 

Nebulae, incandescent frog spawn of information
Trembling in the claw of Scorpio
Not an instant, then shooting away
Like an enormous cloud of starlings 

Garbage scows move slowly down the estuary
The lights of the airport pulse in morning darkness
Food trucks, propane, tortured hearts
The reticent epistemological parks
Gets out, checks the curb, reparks
Thunder of jets
Peristalsis of great capitals 

How pretty in her tartan scarf
Her ruminative frown
Ambiguity and reason
Locked in a slow, ferocious tango
Of if not, why not

Theme Song May 08

Now She's In Purple, Now She's a Turtle, Disintegrating.

Irony is Clorg, which justified its obamashanking as necessary vetting (because if Obama couldn't take what CLINTON INC threw, how could the big baby survive what the pigs had in store), now basing Clorg's campaign's justification as WAAH! those nasty obamabots!

Listenrubes, I'll give whomever is inaugurated this coming January six-hundred whole seconds to materially improve my life or I'll call upon all my e-pitchforkers to keyboard riot, but kits, mofos, kits!

Obama gets 600 seconds, Clorg 599. WAAH! go the dead-enders.

*

• This dead-ender calls Obama supporters his "mujahideen", which is stupid when "half-black panthers" is still available.
• Huckabee joked about Obama assassination just a week before Clorg's RFK gaffe, though I haven't seen anyone make the connection, proving nothing more than Huckabee's irrelevance, which I bet has occurred to Clorg.
• How monsters perceive of themselves as martyrs.
• Abraham, Martin, and Clod.
• Krugman writes a column chiding Obama supporters for exploiting Clorg's dumbass statement (she wasn't calling for Obama to be assassinated, she was rifling through her rolodex of self-justifications), because Clorg would never take an Obama misstatement and distort it for Clorg political gain.Krugman then taunts Obama-supporters with a fuck you blog post. Awesome! The conscience of a liberal!
• Because it emphasizes her maniacal desire to be president, that's what.
• Because it emphasizes her maniacal desire to be president, that's what.
• Because it emphasizes Bill's maniacal desire to be president, that's what.
• No clear map? Waah!
• Not the least reason to oppose Clorg is the chairman of Clinton INC.
• Told you. Here, most recently, though many times before. (Can anyone suggest a self-blog search engine besides blogbox, which sucketh, especially as I try to limit categories - I mean, I could have a category Chelsea Clorg Clinton Inc, but....)
• Smacking Malkin is old-hat, which doesn't mean Roy isn't good at it.
• If they've only embezzled $15B, they're even more incompetent than you thought.
• Beyond belief, or the bullshit that is American nonpreferentialism.
• Friday Hope Blogging.
• How to talk me out of wondering if I should have bought a mac.

UPDATES

• BANG! Just kidding.
• Because he is a Republican.
• Find the antichrist!
• Free State Politics seems to have, um, gone comatose.

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Today's post title brought to you by Siouxie, who's 51 today.

Ask Fleabus!

Fleabus, you're not jealous I'm spending all three beautiful holiday weekend days outdoors, are you?

.

..

.

UPDATE: Good friend ODB lays a smackdown:

Although Landru will hate me: we shall have kitten wars. It's on. Time to beat Max and Millie.

.

.

Fleabus laughs.

And by the way, on route to United Saturday night, Landru and Ilse announced they're expecting, so with luck we can play 1984: Kitten Wars, cause I've always been at war with Landru's not-yet-cats.

Here's one of ODB's kittens:

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.....

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Who's your daddy?

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.....

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EXCELLENT!

United 3, Toronto 2

OK, patient upgraded from grave to critical.

Having to come from behind is usually cause for worry, and while it still is, winning as United did last night might be far more catalytic than if they'd stomped 4-0, which would have proven nothing, as prior stompings of Toronto and Salt Lake showed.

Jaime scores on PK, grabs ball out of net, sloughs off congratulaters, sprints with ball back to mid-circle to get the tie game restarted. Emilio scores, runs toward Loud Side, pivots, sprints across field to hug Ben Olsen. You know, that's all I ask, an honest damn given.

This team may not be talented enough to win unless playing desperate, and desperate teams eventually burn out and crash, and until and unless United solve its goalkeeping problem (and subsequent and resultant defensive problems), United might not improve enough to eventually burn out and crash, but still: how sweet to watch a team fighting for its survival make the next game important.   

Here's Goff's player ratings:

Wells 3; Namoff 6, McTavish 5, Peralta 5, Martinez 6; Quaranta 6, Simms 5, Gallardo 6, Fred 6; Moreno 5, Emilio 6. Subs: Burch 5, Mediate 5.

• Zach Wells. Here, let a former goalkeeper on the powerhouse Gaithersblech High School teams of the mid-late 70s bust Wells' balls. Good thing United has a Peruvian midget keep on the bench. Use him.
• Namoff, despite his early misjudgment on Toronto's first goal, was vital in the offense, getting further forward more frequently than I can remember, finding space consistently on the right wing. He is the irreplaceable player.
• Two brilliant runs by Quaranta set up United's last two goals. He still brainfarts too much, and he botched two difficult but makable volleys, but his toggling from left side to right side with Fred and effectiveness on both sides was crucial. And he got his ass back on defense. 90 minutes, Tino, 90 minutes.
• Gallardo is special. Easily, clearly, by a profound degree, the best player on the field. If United plays up to Gallardo, if players make smart runs into forward and diagonal space and - especially - finish them, Gallardo will make them better.
• Good games from Moreno, Emilio, and especially Martinez, who is an excellent acquisition.

So, survival. This Thursday at Ningland, week from Wednesday at home v Houston. We'll know what we've got, good, bad, or mediocre.

More, updates, links, later. Or not.

   *

By the way, if you want to see me on TV, I'm two of the hands holding up the top of the shirt when it's fully unfurled. Way cool. And Fighting Talker has news of one of my former lovers, who still can draw the google hits to BLCKDGRD.

Fifty Today!

Obamamodel: Clorg Argument Made By a Friend Last Night

I'm asking: The candidate that morphs least is most dangerous?

.......

If the current obamamodel looks more like the original obamamodel than current Clinton looks like original Clinton, does that make Obama more like George Bush?

I was told, changing avatars is evolutionary in flight or, especially, fight response!

Obama, sleeper bush, a devious piggerchurian cowboy?

   *

• Dear Clorg Dead-Enders: "asshole" is gender neutral, and Clorg is one, no matter how many avatars she goes through.
• This would, of course, signify the biggest obstacle to maintaining rubeness since the last one. Blackmail!
• Though suppose Obama offers vpotus and Clinton says yes: what of dead-enders' faith? Wouldn't this be worse than apostolic parables of rightful coronations stolen by penile-Americans?
• UPDATE: Dead-enders needn't worry - Clorg believes it's her moral obligation to leave you happily embittered. One way or the other.
• ADDING: Surely it's inconceivable Clorg operatives would plant the vpotus story so Clorg could accuse Obamacamp of planting it. Inconceivable!
• Maverick's big mistake.
• World's shittiest human tries to work up an obamafroth, fails.
• Did you know Iraqi citizens are being killed by Americans? No?
• Cause just in time for elections, troop reductions, coinkidinkily.
• Peeper massacre!
• Ignoring David Broder in the context of litblogs! Excellent!
• Speaking of <good> morphing, Ed's sort of brought back The Reluctant, and has definitely brought back the round-ups!
• A.L. Kennedy recommends Mervyn Peake, reminding to again try the Gormenghast Trilogy.
• Adding, Kennedy's latest, Day, was excellent in a dire way. Or dire in an excellent way.

Updates later. Or not.

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In my head, be in yours: