BLCKDGRD

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG

United went to Chicago and beat Chicago using Chicago's ugly disgusting bullying tactics and I sang hallelujah. I'm asked, how do I separate my politics and my soccer and I say, huh?

Obama is suckbucketful. McCain is calling him (and by extension anyone who supports Obama) a traitor as I type this sentence. I expect Obama's nuanced response promptly.

Fleabus?

Fellow Crackerstanis, I knew Obama need avoid Angry-Negro Syndrome, but McCain is rallying the Confederacy without needing to scream NIGGER!, stroking the Necks of Red with the very taunts he'd use against Hillary Kerry Gore, and rube that I am, this pisses me off.

I've long abandoned hope in Obama's .06% chance of exceptionality, but lordy, his bucketsuckfulness astounds as much as frustrates. Four years to prepare for the same Rovian tactics as always, and Obama thinks nuance suddenly sells in America.

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• “The insinuation from the Obama campaign that John McCain, a former prisoner of war, cheated is outrageous,” Ms. Wallace said.
• Pastor Gerson and Bill Kristol both mwahaha that John McCain outperformed Obama in the eyes of christers who were never going to vote for Obama in the first place. Jeebus in Crackerstan.
• Frank Rich notes that McCain is a shitty human. But he was tortured, so there.
• PUMAs are morons with martrydom delusions. I mean, don't vote for Obama if you weren't going to vote for HRC, don't vote for Obama because you realize the entire system is rigged, but voting for McCain because Obama isn't HRC?
• Sub-head of this Salon article reads: Busting the myths about cheap and unlimited oil being broadcast by Rush Limbaugh, Jerome Corsi and other ignoramuses. Why assume they're ignoramuses just because they speak gospel to ignoramuses, ignoramus.
• Doom Patrol.
• Dr. Doom says you just think you're fucked.
• Surveillance State.
• Thomas Frank, the Liberal Juvenal?
• 5th calls for restatement of principles.
  
• I won't forbid, but I can wish Planet wouldn't read this dreck. (She does say the latest one sucks.)
• George Martin is still alive and taking credit?
• The question isn't whether Jon Stewart is the most influential person on television, the question is why Michiko Kakutani is writing this article.
• Friday Hope Blogging.
• How to baconfy your bourbon.

Updates later. Or not.

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Buying these old farts' new one today.

.

.

What I've heard on KEXP so far is promising, but I'm old.

Eno is God. His great four are going to that silly island where options are limited.

Hamster Advice!

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Looking for om in August, Fleabus? Hamster advice!

August sucks. Damn August and everyone born in August. Especially bloggers born in August.

*

• Memo to HRC presupposes she's bigger than she wasn't.
• Tinfoiled?
• The indestructible core of my rubity is my inability to relax and enjoy the stupid.
• Maybe not, but probably so.
• Krugman: it's 1913 all over again.
• Who's just like Hitler today?
• So much for that trial balloon.
• (Right)Wingman, fuck-buddy.
• America as pedophile priest.
• Savage coward.
• God does play dice, or Elect the Pope: The Game.
• Slots. Meh.
• Kafka's Dick.
• Obama's top-ten list is cynical, McCain's is lame.
• 29 instrumentals by bands that sing, w/mp3!

Updates later. Or not.

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Why should we look for comfort in poetry?

MARBLE-SIZED SONG

Albert Goldbarth

Does she love you? She says yes, but really
how do you know unless you undress that easy assertion,
undoing its petals and laminae, and going in
below all trace of consciousness, into the neuroelectrical
coffer where self-understanding is storaged away,
and then lifting its uttermost molecule out, to study
in its nakedness as it spins
in a clinical light?—the way
we all, in our various individual versions
of this common human urge, go in,
and in, and in, the physicist down
to the string-vibration underlying matter, and
the Appalachia fiddler getting so
(as she puts it) "into my music," sound becomes
a flesh for her to intimately ("in"-timately)
enter, "its thick and its sweetbreads."
Is he cheating on you? He says no, and feigns
that he's insulted, but for certainty
you'll need to delicately strip the bark away
and drill, and tweeze, until you can smear a microscope slide
of the pith and can augur the chitterlings
—the way the philosopher can't accept a surface
assumption of truth, but needs to peel back
the fatty sheen of the dermis, soak the cambium layer
into a blow-away foam, and then with pick
and lightbeam helmet, inch by inch begin
spelunking through those splayed-out caverns
under the crust, where gems of cogitation are buried
—the way the diver descends for the pearl,
the miner: in, the archaeologist: in, the therapist: down
the snakier roots of us and in, and in, the way
the lone, leg-pretzeled yogi makes
a glowing bathysphere of worldliness and sends it in,
and further in, tinier and heavier and ever in,
the way the man in the opium den is floating forever,
toward a horizon positioned in the center of the center
of his head.... If we could stand beyond the border
of our species and consider us objectively, it might seem
that our purpose in existing is to be a living agency
that balances, or maybe even slows, the universe's
irreversible expansion out, and out ... and each
of us, a contribution to that task.
My friend John's wife received the news: a "growth,"
a "mass," on her pituitary, marble-sized, mysterious.
And the primary-care physician said: Yes,
we must go in and in. That couldn't be the final word!
And the second-opinion physician said: Yes,
my sweet-and-shivering-one,
my fingerprint-and-irisprint-uniqueness,
someone's-dearest, you
who said the prayers at Juliette's grave, who drove
all night from Switzerland with your daughter, you
on this irreplaceable day in your irreplaceable skin
in the scumbled light as it crosses the bay in Corpus Christi,
yes in the shadows, yes in the radiance,
yes we must go in and in.

Bucket of Suck

Just to clarify: I posted Tuesday a rube's begrudging of obamacamp's possible justification for its offense by vacation: they're getting slammed as the media scrambles to McCain - not because the media is conservative, because it's in their interest, short/long term, to keep this election as close as possible, too close to call on Election Day if possible - and Obama's lead is holding, the race is in stasis, and why should Obama spend powder and cash now rather than save until truly needed?

I didn't mean to suggest that I think obamacamp is good enough to execute that strategy even if they are smart enough to conceive it (or suggest I think it's a good strategy: I don't). I wrote in the recent past of the achievement of beating CLINTON INC as formidably impressive, but revelations of Clinton buffoonery in pursuit of assholery led by mcauliffisters into dysfunctional fuckeditude diminishes Obama's accomplishment, yes?

Obama is a bucket of suck. He leads because a bucket of suck beats a clusterfuck of lame (though not for long, perhaps, so suckful is Obama's bucket). I didn't mean to imply otherwise.

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• Maureen Paglia and Camille Dowd and meowism.
• Pax Corleone.
• As opposed to Rush, who's always admired talkative women with free minds.
• We are the enemy.
• Police State: Arkansas.
• Let God strike the Obamaites in their private parts.
• It will please Elric 7 to hear Kornheiser's radio contract was not renewed.
• Corridor Cities Transitway, mocomofos?
• Marycrackerland.
• Max Boot is horny for Georgia!

.

• Good for him Obama is a Bucket of Suck.

Updates later. Or not.

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Good friend Old Paleo Dirty Jayarra Bastard needs some Klingon farts for his blues!

Dealt. Hope things are less snaggy.

In Which an Obamapostate Attempts to Understand Obamatactics

It's August. This round's pig-racism has been inferred, if not called, and maybe, just maybe, will be called next round or round after but some round. The convention is coming. McCain's attempt to infantilize Obama will doubly-backfire when Obama stomps McCain's doddering fool-ass in the debates. It's August. More Bush scandals are sure to explode. More Bush clusterfuck is sure to explode. It's August. The ecomony, the war, the economy, the war. George W Bush. It's August. Even with our doing relatively nothing, McCain has stopped gaining, despite the pig-ugly. It's August. Obama's opponent is the lamest candidate ever. Chill. Let McCain do the ugly of pigging McCain while able. It's August. McCain and teleprompters. McCain at biker conventions. McCain free-associating at microphones. It's August. Something will KABOOM! that will change all dynamics anyway. We survived the Clintons, we can survive McCain. It's August. Can you remember what you were outraged about two weeks ago?

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• Hot white chicks dig Obama, or: The Willfully Obtuse.
  
• The Atlantic story on Hillary campaign
• VOTE! Which wars were justified? (h/t Jim, who has thoughts.)
• The Butt-Thumper and the Bear.
• OK, the fuckers won.
• Democrat's do use the same palette as Republicans.
• Old Farts for McCain.
• John McCain's desktop.

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In my head, be in yours:

Oblahma

Oblahma? Mofos, he was obamawesome! enough to coordinate his VACATION IN HAWAII with John Edwards' adultery admittance.

Assuming the vacation has been in the works for months, Obama's manipulation of The National Enquirer and control of John Edwards is impressive! and should dash your oblahmas he is a hubristic assclown who believes his own hype to the point he can take a week off in his campaign to be elected Obamagod.

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• Oblahma.
• Oblahma.
• Theories of Oblahma.
• Oblahma with both hands.
• Oblahma: the art of the passable.
• Hillary is lame too
• Yes, of course
  
• Cold water fun.
• Fucking Washington Times article of fucking profanity on fucking Liberal blogs gets fucking predictable reaction on this fucking blog.

Updates later. Or not.

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What's ickier? The President of the United States admiring world class ass or the outraged OMFG!s at the President of the United States admiring world class ass.

The ass is studying the wrong ass.

GOKE! and PODE!

Rube's Code requires I admit that POKE! and GOAD! is a fine strategy to use against me, which is unneeded proof I'm a rube with a rooting interest, and just how fracking ruby is that.

Obama can't call McCain's cracker-trolling cracker-trolling, and I'll pull my ethical hamstring and snit furiously about obamapostasy because he doesn't, which is, what's the word I'm looking for..... STUPID!

But... don't tell me America doesn't want slap-reality show politics, and it's only August 3 and OMFG! Handbags!

If this election is the most important election ever since the last most important election ever and until the next most important election ever, we'd better get down to poking raw nerves and goading from the gutter. Fracking Crackerstan.

OH! Anyone want to bet a pint that HRC won't be Obama's vpotus choice?

   *

• Maybe The Dark Knight is a fascist wetdream.
• Maybe The Dark Knight is a fascist wetdream.
• We need to pay fucking attention.
• Danzig USA.
• "Uppity's" synonyms, coming soon.
• War on the middle class, part one, part two.
• Happy Anniverary, Bitchez!
• Wal-Mart: Why They Suck.
• Mercenary country.
• Pigs, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Friday hope blogging.
• Kevin Drum chides Andrew Sullivan. We. Are. So. Fucked.

UPDATES!

• Debate Obama's debate strategy.
• McCain was never a straight-talker, an irony now that it's obvious he's a buffoon, though give professional media contortionists time and they'll embarrass themselves justifying their reinvented love-ooze.
• The answer to the question sub-head is YES!
• This Fellowjeff is writing about PERE UBU! with mp3 candy!
• This Fellowjeff is mourning the death of a summer voice, reminding me of Bob Prince.
• Dan reviews the new Wood.
• Saving Segundo!
• Meditation on Human Smoke.
• A new Ashbery uses the word "Oprah."
• Thoughts on The Booker. More, here.
• Oodles of lit-links.
• Savannah Cat? Not a cougar.
• Fabulously wealthy bemoan loss of ice cream store to corporate interests that make them fabulously wealthy!
  

   *

Food for thought:

Pig Morals: A Public Debate

Was offered tickets and made my first trip here two days ago:

Meh, I'll spare me the recital of issues why I transformed from a guy who spent 30 days a year in the upper right-field deck of Memorial Stadium in the 80s to a guy who now finds baseball utterly unwatchable, so I'll just say the new stadium is nice enough (though not nearly as nice as Camden Yards) and Metro sucks and leave that there. (Both Earthgirl and Planet turned to me in the second and third innings respectively and said, Boy, are United games so much better. Yes, yes they are.)

But, on the way home, waiting for a train with Earthgirl and Planet at Gallery Place, we were entertained by three Young Republicans, McCain-button emblazoned, loudly debating what constitutes cheating on girlfriends. After three minutes of arguing whether blowjobs from hookers is cheating (they couldn't reach agreement, two insisting it wasn't as long as the hooker didn't swallow), a limit was clearly defined by the most loutish of the three, who declared, so that everyone in Gallery Place could hear, if you put peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off, that isn't cheating.

Thankfully the train came just as they began debating whether letting a male dog lick the peanut butter off your balls makes you gay.

   *

• Spite works.
• Pigs, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Ignatius spurts his McCain circle jerk.
• Photoshop of the day. Or is it this one?
• The minute I start thinking kind thoughts about Hillary Clinton, Lanny Davis up and dashes them.
• On fucktardness.
• On meaningless polling.
• Long bedtime story.
• An argument against Kaine.
• Pig, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Framing and memetic warfare.
• Box turtles are narcs.
• Pigs, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Acid reflections.
• Tuesday morning, White Flint Mall.

UPDATES

• Is it Obammukah yet?
• Chirp, or: Frag Dana Milbank.
• Billmon? Billmon!
• The McCain campaign knows it sucks.
• Another voice against Kaine.
• Elric 7 in Vladivostok.
  

   *

Broderignatiancohen ballad to McCainlove!

obamandingo cometh

Reminding myself again why obamagastic over hillaryistic: Would the three major networks have dispatched their anchors to follow Clinton around Eurasia in July?

Listen to Andrew Tyndall school Tom Rosenstiel, who was arguing for some false journalistic morality that McCain coverage 50/50 Obama's, Friday night on News Hour:

The reality is that Obama is speaking to 200,000 people in Germany and John McCain is in an aisle in the supermarket, the 200,000 people are more newsworthy than Obama. And you wouldn't be reflecting reality accurately if you gave those two events equal weight. You'd lose all credibility in the eyes of your audience, because you'd be saying this spectacular phenomenon that's happening in Berlin is no more or less important than a photo-op in a supermarket.

Regardless how Obama reflects your suck and your suckangst, if this is a hexagonal board game and you're playing to win, which side do you want to play, knowing the rules and rules' uselessness, Obama or McCain?

Honestly, when your opponent's current argument is that you are just too awesome, even if that criticism is the early preparatory groundwork for AIIEE! NIGGER! and AIIEE! NIGGER! is just preparatory groundwork for screaming OBAMANDINGO! will take your white daughters, your opponent sucketh pathetically.

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• A list of people Obama has had murdered.
• Audacity of intelligence.
• Read this article from American Conservative magazine (h/t Henley).
• It is true Europe longs for bullshit American idealism.
• But David Ignatius is still one shockingly self-admiring dumbass motherfucker.
• Goosestep through the tulips (and the genius of SCTV).
• McCain lies. And your point?
• Rich is worth reading today.
• Radicalized Libertarians are not a matter of luck.
• Absaroka? The 51st State?
• Elric 7 has Dinamo Moskva schwag.
• The eaglebay ogglegay is ackbay. How do I get rid of it?
• Tofu does not harsh your jizz. Duh.
• Perhaps it's a sign of sucksess when MLS is as willing to flaunt kayfabe as European leagues.
• P.Z. proves his point, hardening the resolve of every person his proof refuted.
• The power of Rush is his ability to produce shitpieces like this.
• Hey, Mocomofos, Weasel interviewed (last one, at the bottom). I'm glad he's got a gig, but sweet MC5, does The Globe suck.   

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It's only July, and Obama wowed Eurasia while McCain floundered in a grocery and the pig-right is only skimming the pigugly to come. Ew! Obama's acting like he wants to be president! The nigbastardger!

Mofos, I begged to be entertained and I will bring down curses, but it's only July. No matter how feeble John McCain is now this show won't get febrile until Obama's shot or October erupts.

Snarkremindersnark!

Unnoticed surveillance?

Use your Safeway card, they know what you eat. Use your Walgreen's card, they know your medications. Use your credit card, they know what you buy, how much you owe. Use your cell phone, they know where you are. Use your tomtom, they know where your drive.

Use your blog, they know what you think.

Make it easy for them, yo. You happily pay for the panopticon. Just a reminder before you hyperventilate.

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• Obamapostasy
• Herbert's obamapostasy.
• Obamapostasy: Neobamacon.
• Giant among midgets.
• If you have a military colossus, the colossus is used.
• Libertarian Party: Racism for Smart People?
• Speaking of Bob Barr.
• Another mcauliffister to Fox. Ur-mcauliffister campaigns for Obama. Questions?
• Red v Blue.
• Hoback has secret info on RNC's new convention plans.
• Remember The Fall.

   *

Hey, John Ashbery is 81 (81!) today.

STILL LIFE WITH STRANGER

Come on, Ulrich, the great octagon
of the sky is passing over us.
Soon the world will have moved on.
Your love affair, what is it
but a tempest in a teapot?

But such storms exude strange
resonance: the power of the Almighty
reduced to its infinitesimal root
hangs like the chant of bees,
the milky drooping leave of the birch
on a windless autumn day --

Call these phenomena or pinpoints,
remote as the glittering trash of heaven,
yet the monstrous frame remains,
filling up with regret, with straw,
or on another level with the quick grace
of the singing, falling snow.

You are good at persuading
them to sing with you.
Above you, horses graze forgettting
daylight inside the barn.

Creeper dangles against rock-face.
Pointed roofs bear witness.
The whole cast of characters is imaginary
now, but up ahead, in the shadow, the past awaits.

Sinister By Competence

Set aside Obamajeebus and obamajeebusism. Think about Obama as professional political candidate and Obamacorp as professional political organization. Inevitable bumps and gaffes aside, consider how remarkably and relentlessly efficient and smart and effective and competent Obama and Obamacorp are compared to McCain's or Clinton's or, of course, Bushco.

Watch: Republican operatives, their mouthpieces, anti-Obamers, will portray this efficiency and competence - this professionalism - as evidence of Obama's sinister and arrogant otherness.

So used to blundering asshatery and proudly patriotic assclownery are Americans, Obama's relentless competence does come off as otherworldly, mysterious and calculating, dangerously plotting, un-American.

Plus he's a nigger. His lack of shiftlessness is proof enough of his duplicity, but organizational skills, far-sighted strategy and execution of tactics, and success?

His refusal to bumble like McLame? It's more than his refusal to be tortured by the Viet Cong.

He must be a double-agent.

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• This? scares the bejeebus out of me. This too. They are not unrelated.
• Willful and proud stupidity.
• As soon as I saw Friedman's column today, I knew an Atrios response was mere minutes away, and I knew once he responded he couldn't resist posting this. As he shouldn't.
• Sinical, or, Carlen's legacy debated.
• Hillary as Cordelia, or, whose candidate's supporters love their messiah complex?
• Greenbelt United, or, I hope O'Malley's people are calling McFarland on an hourly basis.
• Spain prepares its excuse for choking tomorrow.
• Thirty worse uniforms ever?
• Five days late (me, not her), Friday Hope Blogging.

UPDATES

• Ladder of Fundamentalism, starring Martin Amis as "The Handbag."
• Obamareality. ExZACKly WELLSaid.
• Yes, true, but he'd be the nominee running as Tupac?
• Isaac makes a funny at Free State Politics. Hah. Hah.
• Should I bother anymore?
• A silly thing, Herbert.

   *

Henley suggests everyone start calling McCain "Worf."

Thoughts?

   *

In my head. Be in yours.