BLCKDGRD

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG

United went to Chicago and beat Chicago using Chicago's ugly disgusting bullying tactics and I sang hallelujah. I'm asked, how do I separate my politics and my soccer and I say, huh?

Obama is suckbucketful. McCain is calling him (and by extension anyone who supports Obama) a traitor as I type this sentence. I expect Obama's nuanced response promptly.

Fleabus?

Fellow Crackerstanis, I knew Obama need avoid Angry-Negro Syndrome, but McCain is rallying the Confederacy without needing to scream NIGGER!, stroking the Necks of Red with the very taunts he'd use against Hillary Kerry Gore, and rube that I am, this pisses me off.

I've long abandoned hope in Obama's .06% chance of exceptionality, but lordy, his bucketsuckfulness astounds as much as frustrates. Four years to prepare for the same Rovian tactics as always, and Obama thinks nuance suddenly sells in America.

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• “The insinuation from the Obama campaign that John McCain, a former prisoner of war, cheated is outrageous,” Ms. Wallace said.
• Pastor Gerson and Bill Kristol both mwahaha that John McCain outperformed Obama in the eyes of christers who were never going to vote for Obama in the first place. Jeebus in Crackerstan.
• Frank Rich notes that McCain is a shitty human. But he was tortured, so there.
• PUMAs are morons with martrydom delusions. I mean, don't vote for Obama if you weren't going to vote for HRC, don't vote for Obama because you realize the entire system is rigged, but voting for McCain because Obama isn't HRC?
• Sub-head of this Salon article reads: Busting the myths about cheap and unlimited oil being broadcast by Rush Limbaugh, Jerome Corsi and other ignoramuses. Why assume they're ignoramuses just because they speak gospel to ignoramuses, ignoramus.
• Doom Patrol.
• Dr. Doom says you just think you're fucked.
• Surveillance State.
• Thomas Frank, the Liberal Juvenal?
• 5th calls for restatement of principles.
  
• I won't forbid, but I can wish Planet wouldn't read this dreck. (She does say the latest one sucks.)
• George Martin is still alive and taking credit?
• The question isn't whether Jon Stewart is the most influential person on television, the question is why Michiko Kakutani is writing this article.
• Friday Hope Blogging.
• How to baconfy your bourbon.

Updates later. Or not.

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Buying these old farts' new one today.

.

.

What I've heard on KEXP so far is promising, but I'm old.

Eno is God. His great four are going to that silly island where options are limited.

Chicago 0, United 1

Normally I would fume to see United with seven yellows to Chicago's one, and while it's fair to complain that Chicago didn't receive yellows for tackles that got yellow for United, United deserved and earned every yellow they got and probably should have had four more and I say hooray.

United has talked all season about wanting to be a "tough" team to play, and seeing the faces of Chicago players pick their pussy-asses up off the ground time after time, whining and pleading to the referee, that gives me as much hope as the victory itself. Ba'al I hate Chicago (where even the home announcers - Fred Huebner on pxp, Chris Doran on color - are pussies: wAAh!).

Chicago devised and refined the strategy for beating United: Beat United. And since this was the first game v United since the USOC game, United came in ready for a dirty Fire and the dirty Fire was thoroughly unprepared for a dirty United, and like all true bullies Chicago pussied before a fight. wOOt!

I said four points out of the two road games would rekindle grossly excessive expectations. Shyeah-doggy, three-fourths there, and to be honest, as long as United doesn't metroshit the bed in Ningland, this road trip is already a modest success.

Here's Goff's player ratings:

Crayton 7, Namoff 7, McTavish 7, Burch 7, Martinez 7; Fred 7, Simms 7, Quaranta 5, Guerrero 6; Moreno 7, Emilio 5. Subs: Vide 5, Kirk 5, Thompson 5.

Noise to Crayton, who got a clean sheet with one brilliant diving save and complete confidence on crosses. Assuming communication between Crayton and his defenders irons out his slow off-the-line on breakaways (and there were too many breakaways - thanks, Chicago, for taking out Andy Herron in the 65th, btw), well, I hope Zach enjoys the reserve matches.

Fred was an eight, his best game this year - he was unlucky to hit post, and his cross that went through a wide-open Jaime, six yards in front of an empty net in the 70th, was brilliant.

Speaking of Jaime, he looks deeply tired. But all praise.

Guerrero - fabulous motor, fabulous pick-up. It's not a coincidence Fred's rejuvenation began when Guerrero arrived.

Quaranta botched a tackle on Mapp (I think) who got a pass to Blanco who (admittedly) lofted a brilliant left-footer over a beaten Crayton that hit the crossbar. Quaranta took a yellow for the botched tackle, and truth be told, could have been redded out a couple of times for horrible two-footed launched into air sloppy tackles. He's not a ten, and when Gallardo (if Gallardo) gets back, Santino's back to the bench, but Ba'al-bless: he's paid back the $35K flyer, but don't forget, it was a $35K flyer. The season doesn't - or shouldn't - hinge on Santino's reclamation.

And Burch - please stop heading the ball from the middle of the field BACK TOWARDS YOUR OWN GOAL. Dumbass.

Updates, edits, links, later.

Here's Fullback, Stollar, D, and Shatz- we all seem to have watched the same game to the same general reaction.

DCenters debriefing is up with linky goodness.

Sober, Life is a Prison, Shit-Faced, It's a Blessing. Sober, Nobody Wants You, shit-Faced, they're all undressing. sober, it's even darker, shit-faced, the moon is nearer

World's shittiest human is aflutter with outrage that one country would invade another because it can. Oil, schmoil, oil's gravy. Oil oils the can, produces greater can.

Assholes are assholes because all they see are assholes and know the Asshole Code: what's good for one asshole is just as good for rival assholes.

Meanwhile, Uncle Fiver (yds, y?) reports

As part of the handover to London 2012, David Beckham will star alongside Boris Johnson and Leona Lewis in the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. The plan is for him to enter the stadium in a double-decker bus and kick a ball into the crowd. Sweet lord.

It all fits. Jeebus I'm in a vile mood.

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• Lesser assholes are still assholes.
• Dances with Assholes.
• Laughing at the assholes laughing at assholes.
• Midgetidjit Richard Cohen channels Modo.
• Anyone heard how Silber's doing?
• New anti-Obama book reviewed.
• Douche v Dildo?
• When pastors go postal.
• Nigel Beale reviews James Wood.
• Batman: Fascist or Not

Updates later. Or not.

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One of six things that might break the vile mood, the only one available now.

There is never not a New Order song in my head.

United 3, Ningland 1

D's first take is undoubtedly correct, and I won't claim United cured because United's first team thrashed Ningland's second team, but the goals were beautiful, we get a championship game at home, and August feels better today than it did Monday.

That will all change this Saturday. Getting into international play is minimum requirement, and with that damn, in combination with Ningland's utter damnlessness, United had better have won, but I can't see this team going to Chicago this Saturday and stealing a second win this year, I can't see this team going to Ningland a week from tonight and stealing a second tie this year. Come out of those two games with four points, I'll unleash some enthusiasm. All I feel today if happy relief.

Normally I'd acknowledge god-taunting for what it is, but god-taunting is for teams I harbor illusions of achievements beyond their means. I don't see achievements for this team beyond USOC: I'll reserve my god-taunting to Charleston, who United will stomp on September 3rd.

Maybe Gallardo will come in and the team will immediately cohere and progress, but Ningland's second squad gave United's defense too many oh-shit moments that it's impossible to believe Ningland's first squad would have only scored once. I have to wonder: for the long haul, would it have been better for United to shockingly lose last night and force the crisis today that feels like it's only been postponed, not canceled? 

OK, I am god-taunting, reverse-whammy. Let's see how this works.

Here's Goff's player ratings (link has Behind the Badge video highlights):

Wells 5; Namoff 6, Peralta 6, McTavish 6, Martinez 6; Fred 6, Simms 6, Quaranta 7, Guerrero 7; Moreno 7, Emilio 8. Subs: Vide 5, Kirk 5, Zaher 5, Dyachenko 5.

All praise to Jaime Moreno. And Simms was an 8. And Fullback sees something good on the left flank.

Updates, edits, additions, links, later. Or not.

Metros 4, United 1

Can I call tomorrow's USOC semi vs Ningland the most important game of the year, or do you think United can win Supporters or MLS Cup or Champions League?

Jeebus, the defense has been Problem One throughout Tom Soehn's tenure, and yes, the Gonzalos were brought in to fix the problem and yes, Marc Burch and Devon McTavish are decent substitutes (and no, Pat Carroll

does not belong in the league), but the level of disorganization and miscommunication can't all be blamed on a godawful goalie and unfortunate injuries. Someone chose these players and someone is coaching these players.

Who knows if the players are quitting - well, we know Pat Carroll is a quitter and a coward - but quitting implies the players are good enough when playing hard to notice when they're quitting, and I don't see it. When Marc Burch or Devon McTavish spin helplessly out of balance on balls in the air and give away clean breakaways on an astonishingly shitty keeper, they're not klutzes because they're quitters, they're klutzes because they're klutzes.

I don't know if it's rock bottom yet or if it's executions on Wednesday if United loses Tuesday - though a thorough self-colonoscopy from owners to management to coaches to players to rubes (which we should be doing daily, mind) will be required.

This may be, in Rinkydink League Soccer, with caps and low cash and a quarter-inch deep talent pool, after all the injuries to wings, to the ten, to half the imported defense, as good as management and coaches can do, but Metros 4, United 1?

As for rubes, scathing is easier to write than praise, but not nearly as much fun as it should be. What a rube.

Here's Goff's player rating (plus his Post story that hasn't been posted to the big paper yet b/c of tech issues)

Wells 4; Namoff 6, McTavish 5, Carroll 3, Burch 3; Fred 6, Simms 5, Vide 4, Guerrero 5; Moreno 7, Emilio 5. Subs: Quaranta 3, Martinez 6, Dyachenko 4.

Wells, McTavish, Carroll, Burch, Vide, Quaranta, Dyachenko. Sheesh.

Update, links, edits, additions, later. Or not.

GOKE! and PODE!

Rube's Code requires I admit that POKE! and GOAD! is a fine strategy to use against me, which is unneeded proof I'm a rube with a rooting interest, and just how fracking ruby is that.

Obama can't call McCain's cracker-trolling cracker-trolling, and I'll pull my ethical hamstring and snit furiously about obamapostasy because he doesn't, which is, what's the word I'm looking for..... STUPID!

But... don't tell me America doesn't want slap-reality show politics, and it's only August 3 and OMFG! Handbags!

If this election is the most important election ever since the last most important election ever and until the next most important election ever, we'd better get down to poking raw nerves and goading from the gutter. Fracking Crackerstan.

OH! Anyone want to bet a pint that HRC won't be Obama's vpotus choice?

   *

• Maybe The Dark Knight is a fascist wetdream.
• Maybe The Dark Knight is a fascist wetdream.
• We need to pay fucking attention.
• Danzig USA.
• "Uppity's" synonyms, coming soon.
• War on the middle class, part one, part two.
• Happy Anniverary, Bitchez!
• Wal-Mart: Why They Suck.
• Mercenary country.
• Pigs, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Friday hope blogging.
• Kevin Drum chides Andrew Sullivan. We. Are. So. Fucked.

UPDATES!

• Debate Obama's debate strategy.
• McCain was never a straight-talker, an irony now that it's obvious he's a buffoon, though give professional media contortionists time and they'll embarrass themselves justifying their reinvented love-ooze.
• The answer to the question sub-head is YES!
• This Fellowjeff is writing about PERE UBU! with mp3 candy!
• This Fellowjeff is mourning the death of a summer voice, reminding me of Bob Prince.
• Dan reviews the new Wood.
• Saving Segundo!
• Meditation on Human Smoke.
• A new Ashbery uses the word "Oprah."
• Thoughts on The Booker. More, here.
• Oodles of lit-links.
• Savannah Cat? Not a cougar.
• Fabulously wealthy bemoan loss of ice cream store to corporate interests that make them fabulously wealthy!
  

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Food for thought:

United 2, Kansas City 0

..

All praise to Jaime Moreno.

Clean sheet? Yes, Wells didn't screw up per standard, yes, Wells made some terrific saves, and no, Wells is not United's biggest problem, but let's see what happens the next four games (including the USOC semi home v Ningland a week from Tuesday) before we credit United with dominance more than damn Kansas City for lousiness.

UPDATE: I just watched the highlights, and I'd forgotten how vomitaciously Wells DID fuck-up and only lucked out by Pore's suckitude in the first half. Crapitudinous! But even, I didn't want to give the impression I thought Wells was suddenly good.

Still, if the Guerrero trade - and Ba'al, he's a plus MLS player - solves the left-flank problem, once Gallardo is fit and reintegrated into the offense, goals will be plentiful. Fred ran and played like he'd just discovered freedom, knowing he could play on his preferred side, knowing he could push forward on offense rather than cheat back on defense. This might be the true benefit of the trade, a twofer: not only does United get Guerrero, getting Guerrero might mean getting Fred back too.

Metros in Jersey is very winnable, but @ Ningland and @ Chicago are tough, and the next most important game ever since the last most important game ever is week from Tuesday @ RFK v Ningland in USOC semi (and Guerrero can't play that game since he played in the tournament already for San Jose) since USOC is still the surest path to international play next season, and international play is the minimum requirement, yes?

Goff player ratings:

Wells 7; Namoff 7, McTavish 7, Carroll 7, Burch 7; Fred 7, Simms 7, Vide 6, Guerrero 7; Moreno 8, Emilio 7.

Kvetch: all praise to Jaime Moreno, again head-and-shoulders the best player on the field, but if a 34 year old with a chronic abdominal muscle strain is the best player out of 22 - no matter how special he is and was - imagine the quality of MLS soccer when the league expands by four more teams. Six more teams.

OH! Luch-Energia Vladivostok 1, Rubin Kazin 1, and Russians chant Fuck-You-Ref in ENGLISH! (With pictures!)

DCENTERS debriefing is up with linky goodness and a guilty conscience.

The Most Important Game Ever Since the Last Most Important Game Ever And Until the next most important game ever!

And Elric 7 is there!

.....

Energia Vladivostok home versus the hated Rubin Kazin, Sunday night!

Oh, United plays tonight v Kansas City in the latest, most crucial, most major, most absolutely MUST WIN GAME OF THE SEASON! Until the next one!

Pig Morals: A Public Debate

Was offered tickets and made my first trip here two days ago:

Meh, I'll spare me the recital of issues why I transformed from a guy who spent 30 days a year in the upper right-field deck of Memorial Stadium in the 80s to a guy who now finds baseball utterly unwatchable, so I'll just say the new stadium is nice enough (though not nearly as nice as Camden Yards) and Metro sucks and leave that there. (Both Earthgirl and Planet turned to me in the second and third innings respectively and said, Boy, are United games so much better. Yes, yes they are.)

But, on the way home, waiting for a train with Earthgirl and Planet at Gallery Place, we were entertained by three Young Republicans, McCain-button emblazoned, loudly debating what constitutes cheating on girlfriends. After three minutes of arguing whether blowjobs from hookers is cheating (they couldn't reach agreement, two insisting it wasn't as long as the hooker didn't swallow), a limit was clearly defined by the most loutish of the three, who declared, so that everyone in Gallery Place could hear, if you put peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off, that isn't cheating.

Thankfully the train came just as they began debating whether letting a male dog lick the peanut butter off your balls makes you gay.

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• Spite works.
• Pigs, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Ignatius spurts his McCain circle jerk.
• Photoshop of the day. Or is it this one?
• The minute I start thinking kind thoughts about Hillary Clinton, Lanny Davis up and dashes them.
• On fucktardness.
• On meaningless polling.
• Long bedtime story.
• An argument against Kaine.
• Pig, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Framing and memetic warfare.
• Box turtles are narcs.
• Pigs, lesser-evil, yadda.
• Acid reflections.
• Tuesday morning, White Flint Mall.

UPDATES

• Is it Obammukah yet?
• Chirp, or: Frag Dana Milbank.
• Billmon? Billmon!
• The McCain campaign knows it sucks.
• Another voice against Kaine.
• Elric 7 in Vladivostok.
  

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Broderignatiancohen ballad to McCainlove!

Did You Know DC Has A Professional Soccer Team?

It's true, though United doesn't play like it. I guess the coach should make the players play harder.

I read that MLS wants to expand to eighteen, twenty, twenty-two teams, as if dozens of Craig Thompsons are tearing up second division American soccer, just waiting to star in a league of MLS' renowned quality of beautiful soccer.

I don't mind being a rube - I gleefully hand over money to be a rube - as long as I'm worked respectfully, as long as there's a chance, just the slightest wonder, that Nature Boy might shoot on The American Dream, but jeebus, it pisses me off when carnies take my markdom for granted.