United 1, Chicago 1

This being a particularly mehful season of discontent in all the Leagues of Rube I play in, I acknowledge that what follows may be as hyperbolic as it is cathartic, but:

Dear United, making us walk down to your silly-ass VW garage and stand in line for half an hour to pick up the SHITTIEST season-ticket holders' t-shirt ever? Fuck you. Making 19/20th of beer stands sell only Budweiser, Bud Light, and Miller Lite? Fuck you. Fix it.

Fuck-me jig (this too):

D.C. United settled for another tie last night, a 1-1 affair with the Chicago Fire before 15,895 at RFK Stadium, the second-smallest turnout for a home debut in the club's 14-season history.

Sure, a drizzly, dreary (but not cold) night, up against Elite Eight games, up against El Salvador/USMNT game, but short of 16K show up for a home opener in what will be the most scrutinized and crucial attendance figures in United's history? The fracking Washington Bullets - that's the fracking 17-57 Washington Bullets - drew 20K+. Fuck us.

See that dot in the middle of the field? That's Benny coming over long after the game to say thanks to LOUD SIDE!, to wave goodbye.

OH! the game?

After Emilio scored early we all began cursing Tom Soehn for pulling men behind the ball, but honestly, a three man back line of Burch and Jakovic and Namoff, what's the word I'm looking for.....sucks. (For the past three years I've insisted that Namoff is the irreplaceable player, but the difference between his quality in a four man line and his quality in a three is striking). I may think it's a bad strategy, a goal up after only ten minutes, to pull back and play counter, but I understand why he chose it.

Dig this Soehn quote:

"We gambled a little bit and were too confident in the second half. We took some chances instead of playing it safe. That shows signs of a young backline."

Sounds like a coach hanging his players, yes? Fire Tom Soehn.

UPDATE: This guy adds, in an email

Die.  Die, die, die, die, die.  This line confirms that, in Soehn’s fat fucking head, breaking out to try to score is, in fact, gambling. His implicit approval of the utter lack of “gambling”, of the game of playing it “safe” by backpassing every time they crossed midfield in strength, is fucking reprehensible.

He’s a PUSSY.  I’m fucking done with him.

Then there's this quote (re: Pontius):

"I don't think we used him as much as we could have. He was open quite a bit on the right flank."

United also couldn't find Christian Gomez who was open all night and screaming for the ball. If only United had a coach that could relay this information during the game to his players. Fire Tom Soehn.

Meh. Here's Goff's player ratings:

Wicks 4; Namoff 5, Jakovic 4, Burch 5; Pontius 5, Simms 4, Olsen 6, Gomez 5, Wallace 6; Moreno 5, Emilio 6. Subs: Doe 5, Barklage 5.

Barklage?

Apt.

Though one truly priceless moment: Blanco walks up to Benny and throws himself to the ground, writhing, the clown-ass pussy. Snortle!

Here's Fullback's take.

UPDATE: Fullback points to this video of Olsen/Blanco dance in comments

Also shown, Erpen Jakovic and Wells Wicks fuck up on Chicago goal. How this is Soehn's fault is still to be determined.

Though seriously. Fire Tom Soehn.

UPDATE: Here' QV, Shatz.

UPDATE: D's first impressions.

I need to add, my anti-Soehn sentiment is not based on the two results - a point on the road is a point on the road, a point against the best team in the league, even at home, is a point.

I do admit my anti-Soehn sentiment is in part a frustrated lashing out at the easiest to scapegoat - Payne isn't going to fire Kasper, Payne isn't going to fire Payne, Payne can't fire the players, and the team is going to move to St Louis.

But this season feels to me, after just two games, like a show I've seen before, (and yes, I know, injuries and yadda, like Fred and Quaranta won't hobble off with re-injured hammies soon after they return) and if you can't change the players, I think it's time to bring in a new set of ideas on how better to use them.

And this is just a gut feeling of mine offered even more irresponsibly than most gut feelings of mine, but when I hear Soehn talk - when he hangs out his players - I'm betting the locker room wouldn't mind a new barker also.