Saprissa 2, United 2

I should spare myself aargh but I must scratch it: when I'm emperor of the universe, I'm banishing Christian Miles to the pit of a Jiffy Lube and permitting him only say, "Clear," which he'll manage to mispronounce.

It's not Jeff Carroll, moron, it's

Precarious and rinkydink? The best Fox Sports Channel can give us from their Fisher-Price studios is Christian Fucking Miles? At least the schmuck paired with Miles thought Miles as big an idiot as I do.

Who didn't think United would lose, badly but hopefully not too embarrassingly? I've no idea how many first-teamers Saprissa started (and never expected Fox to tell me, of course), but the reserves did surprisingly well considering how outclassed they were by whomever Saprissa fielded. So what?

Here's Goff's player ratings:

Wells 4; Thompson 4, Janicki 4, Gonzalez 4, Zaher 5; Kirk 5, Carroll 4, Vide 5, Miller 4; Dyachenko 5, Doe 6. Subs: McTavish 4, Burch 5, Khumalo 5.

Fwrt, there's goes 20 years worth of diverting $150 a paycheck into Vanguard mutual funds. Who thought this season's misery could be rendered meh by doomier clusterfucks?

Rage? Christian Fracking Miles drives me to rage. United? I'll forgive United enough if at next season's opening game Zach Wells and Rod Dyachenko aren't on the squad.